A Spidery Story

I heard somewhere that you shouldn’t take a shower with you contact lenses in. And everyone knows that without my contact lenses I’m as blind as a bat!

---

This morning was the first day back at work.

After a six-week holiday.

I wasn’t happy.

 

At 06:40 I head sleepily towards the bathroom. True to my readings on Facebook, I skip the contact lens holder and reach straight for the shower curtain. With my eyes half-closed I pull the showerhead off its holder and gently turn on the hot water tap so the water can caress my feet. My wake up call is not as subtle as I would’ve wanted…

From the plughole a giant, black blob scuttles towards my now wet feet. I let out a shriek, yelp and growl at the same time. My feet seem to involuntarily know every step to the Dance of the Seven Spiderous Leaps, having never formally learnt it. As I’m trying to avoid this monstrous black blob that is jolting towards me, I’m giving the entire bathroom the greatest soak it has seen in this many years of me living here.

The black blob disappears as it escapes behind me over the black stripes of the shower curtain and I’m freaking out to the n^th degree. At the same time I’m giving myself the biggest telling off for believing in some stupid Facebook post and not putting those darn lenses in before taking a shower.

Hubby runs into the bathroom. I can feel his amusement at his wife’s expense (it has to be feel as I can’t see for love nor money!). The wife is not amused. All I can get out between bewildered gasps is:

‘There!’

Hyperventilating breath.

‘Get him!’

Heart pounding in throat.

‘GET HIM!’

 

I vaguely recognise the outline of a drinking glass sliding over the soaked shower curtain. Through the haziness of the now steam-filled room I can see the giant black blob plop into the glass as the hubby gives the curtain a shake.

‘Come my friend, I’ll take you out so you can continue your journey,’ the hubby whispers to the black blob.

‘Oh, yeah, you continue your journey! As long as it is in the opposite direction of this house!’ I exclaimed triumphantly after.

One will not think that this spider-fearing spectacle of a woman educate children…